Coping with the death of a loved one can be the one of the most difficult events for anyone to experience. Those left behind are likely to feel pain, sorrow and loneliness. If this is you then those of us here at Sorely Missed.net hope to steer you through your period of grief in a practical way.
We understand that there are arrangements to be made and decisions to face – and that you don’t feel like doing this. In fact it’s the last thing you want to be doing at this time. But we all know this has to be done – and can actually help in providing you with a form of closure. The funeral arrangements, choosing a casket, deciding upon cremation or burial – these are all unfortunately necessary.
It may be that it is some time since you lost your loved one. While he / she is obviously still sorely missed, you may have moved on and are getting on with life – despite the sorrow that still exists. It could now be time to start planning the ways in which you commemorate the life of this person. There are decisions to be made regarding grave markers and other forms of memorials. We may not just be talking about cemetery monuments – you could be considering memorials in a local park or town center. Or you could possibly be thinking about creating your own memorial garden with all their favorite plants and flowers.
Or it could be that you are in the fortunate position not to have lost that person yet. You and your partner may be looking at Sorely Missed.net so as to plan ahead. This is obviously the ideal situation as it minimises the decisions and choices to be made by the person left behind. There is no need to consider burial, cremation etc when the decision has already been made.
Sorely Missed.net sections.
This site is split into sections to make it easier for you to find the information you are searching for. You will see all the page titles listed to the left under the appropriate heading.
These sections are as follows:-
Burial or Cremation?
Most of us would simply consider a straight choice between burial or cremation. But there are other forms of burial such as burial at sea or natural burial (often called green burial). There is also the consideration of whole body donation. Each of these offer their own advantages and disadvantages in both cost and practicality. And of course the most important factor is probably the preference – if known – of the deceased.
When organizing a funeral there will be several aspects to consider, beginning with the question – “where do I start?”. As with anything – it appears complex until you are guided in the right direction. This section will help you with all your funeral arrangements.
There is even advice on Sorely Missed.net for those who are attending the funeral.
There are so many ways of remembering a person and commemorating their life. All forms or grave markers are also memorials and there are many types available – not just the traditional upright headstone. For instance there are tombstones which are flat, slant or bevel. There are also ledger grave markers or mausoleums – even trees or bushes. But there are also many other ways of remembering them that have nothing to do with cemeteries or burial grounds.
You may want to commemorate them in a very public way – memorial trees or a memorial benches for anyone to use, admire and enjoy. It could be that your financial situation allows you to preserve their name with a new section of the local library where they used to sit and read, or an educational scholarship. There are of course very public examples of this such as the Twin Towers Memorial or the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington Cemetery.
But it is more likely that you are simply looking to remember them in your own way at home – a memorial stone in the garden or an item of jewelry.
You could even create a memorial website for the benefit of all friends and family.
This section suggests a few ways of planning and making the awful prospect of death just a tiny bit less awful. There are many factors to consider before its too late to do so such as health care proxies and the need for a living will.
We also urge you to study Sorely Missed.net fully and consider every last detail. It’s neither morbid or pessimistic – it’s common sense. As we said previously – every factor which you discuss and agree on now will save a whole amount of heartache later on. And it will remove the doubt from that person having to make the decision if they are certain that was their loved one’s wishes.
Regardless of how we all state that money isn’t important, when we are faced with a situation such as paying for a funeral or a memorial we always consider the cost aspect. We question ourselves as to our motives – “Am I choosing that headstone because I like the design or because it’s cheaper? Have I opted to have him / her cremated because of the lower cost – or because he would have really wanted it?”. It’s not just a matter of how it appears to others – it’s about how we feel in ourselves.
How much simpler if a frank discussion during both lifetimes had resulted in a choice of gravestone style or the request for cremation. And at this point other important issues such as organ donation facts can be discussed and decisions made.
Coping with Bereavement.
As already mentioned, coping with losing someone close to you is heart-breaking. Even with the greatest of intentions, no-one can completely empathise with you if they have never experienced it before.
We all have different ways of coping with this situation. Please don’t look badly on others who have their own ways of coping – its not unusual for people to carry on almost as normal, laughing and joking. This may be upsetting for you if – for instance – your children seem unaffected by the death of your spouse, but you don’t see how they react when they are ‘behind closed doors’.
Regardless of this, we are all entitled to grieve in our own personal way – there is no right or wrong. Please try and avoid making these people feel guilty for not ‘crying in public’ – grief and bereavement show themselves in so many different ways.
And it may not be a person who is so sorely missed – the death of a cat or dog can be as traumatic for some people as the loss of a family member. But it’s so hard to know what to say when someone loses a pet – or how to best help them.
And how about you? How are you coping? Try and find someone to talk to if necessary about this person who is so sorely missed by you. This can seem difficult if all your friends and family are also affected by the same loss. Who can you turn to without upsetting them as well? You may actually find that they too are desperate to talk. It’s not uncommon for whole families to avoid mentioning the name of someone they have lost, all because they fear upsetting other family members. When in fact each one yearns to sit down and cry together.
You may also consider joining a support group which will be full of people experiencing the same situation as yourself. If you still find you are having trouble coping then it may be worth contacting a grief counsellor.
May we also suggest a leaflet entitled ‘A LifeCare® Guide to Grief and Bereavement’?